Drum Roll........, The Envelope Please!

I received the excellent news from Dr. Letson and Dave Johnson the P.A.

Based on reading all of my test results they believe it is bone growth and not more cancer!

I am scheduled to resume my chemotherapy next Tuesday and go forward with the original scheduled treatment plan.

While they had me on the phone they discussed the plan to have me be a Sarcoma spokesperson at the fund raising benefit being held in Orlando at the end of May. I am even more motivated to do this after the past 36 hours of next step uncertainty.

I want to take this blog to thank all of you who have been following my blog and path down the Yellow Brick Road. All of the love and support you have given to me has kept my spirits high and my determination strong to make it through this big adventure.

I believe I am very close to making it back to my life before cancer!

Just Waiting.....

It is after 3:30pm and so far no news from the Moffitt team.

I had such an unexpected experience yesterday when I was going into the room for my MRI.
I crossed face to face with a friend/former Pilates client as she was leaving from her test. It had been quite a while since we last had encountered each other and my mind was focused on getting the MRI done since Paul and I had waited all day, and it was now after 6pm.
I did not recognize her at first, but she called me by name and said her name to me. I was stunned and when I asked what she was there for she informed me it was brain cancer!

I had noticed her earlier in the waiting area and every time she got up, a woman who turned out to be her daughter, was holding her hand to help guide her. I had thought she was having problems with her sight. When we met outside the MRI a nurse was assisting her and based on her recognition of me, I realized that it was her motor skills that were obviously impaired from the brain cancer.

I was so saddened and shocked that I had no worries about my own situation, just grievous concern for her and a deep desire to do something to help her! I spent the next 45 minutes of my time in the MRI scanner thinking only of her and wanting to find a way to emotionally support her. I hope that I can connect with her as we did not have a way in that moment to exchange any contact information.

Today as a result of this chance meeting I feel resolved to play out the next chapter and feel fortunate that the doctors at Moffitt are doing such an outstanding job monitoring my personal journey with cancer and feel strangely confident that I can go the distance!

I will blog again when I have news about my next step : )

A Change of Plans

Today I was scheduled to do my 3rd chemo round but instead I am waiting for a 4pm MRI.

Paul and I came here at 8am for my blood work, X-rays and CT scans followed by appointments with the P.A. Dave Johnson who was involved with my surgery to be followed by one with Dr. Conley my chemotherapist.

The news from Dave Johnson was that there is 'something' above my femur replacement which could be normal bone growth or more cancer. A MRI is the next step to get a clearer picture so the decision can be made by my surgeon, Dr. Letson, as to whether to do a biopsy or hopefully, it is nothing and we will resume chemo schedule next Tuesday.

So as I am waiting for this MRI I find it funny that I would be happier if I was doing my dance with the crystal tower instead of waiting for this new uncertainty. Life can be a twisted road at times without a clear picture of the travel time and exact arrival point.

Of course I will be blogging as soon as I have more news.....

Glimpses of Normal

This week has been the best one yet since my whole adventure began on January 5th when my surgery was done.

I have worked at my Pilates studio and it feels really great to get a glimpse of my normal life/routine returning. I am now confident that I will be able to work again during the two remaining chemotherapy cycles.

I have learned my energy rhythm now and know that if I wait one week after I finish the treatment I am basically good to go! A bit of down time now is more about resting my leg rather than my whole body.

Since last Saturday my energy has been surging.  Now I am experiencing the sensation of being my 'old' self before all my cancer symptoms started having their way with me last fall.

Now I wake up feeling that life is what is coming, not what was, and what is coming feels good and unlimited in potential.


"After winter comes the summer. After night comes the dawn. And after every storm comes clear open skies."    -Samuel Rutherford- (1600-1661)

I am looking with great joy into the clear open skies and am excited for the journey. Oh by the way... I am roaring louder than I ever knew I was able to and it feels grrreat!!!!!!

The Week That Was

Chemo Brain
I am happy to say that this week has been completed and is finishing well. It has been a week of the "chemo chick" experiencing "chemo brain" and all I can say is ....Big Wow!

If you remember the big rain storm on Tuesday morning you have the back drop for my stupid story on myself. I had been struggling since last Sunday to keep my mind and psyche afloat due to a weird chemical shift that made me stupid and basically depressed beyond my control.

So on Tuesday morning in this unpleasantly altered state I struggled out the door to my physical therapy appointment in advance of the storm. I basically lost my keys and phone while trying to get packed up in the car. My frustration won, so I opted to get the extra set of keys and forget about the phone. A few blocks away from home I braked and my "lost" keys flew off of the roof and landed on the hood of the car. Oops...jumped out retrieved them and continued on.  Wait, gets worse.

After my appointment I came home in the down-pour thinking about my phone and having the suspicious feeling it had been with the keys. Miraculously, I saw it in the middle of the street getting washed by the rain. The happy ending is that after being dried out, it is working again : ).
Thursday morning ushered in the return of a more pleasant me with my more normal brain and sense of self....the self that I know. I will spare the details of a multitude of small incidents and blues hat occurred over those four miserable days!

Riding 90 Days After Surgery
The big news is I can begin to ride a bike again as I have enough range of motion in the knee to clumsily push the pedal around. Paul took me shopping and I have a new ride. It is a step through frame (girl's bicycle) so I no longer have to do a leg swing over for "entrances and exits" on my rides like I needed to do on my now former bike. I am only riding in about 15 minutes at a time right now until my replaced knee joint can handle more. It is so great to see the potential for one more thing returning back into my life that represents normalcy. I am a regular Easy Rider in my fantasy world :)

Hearts in the Driveway Keeps Cancer Away

A wonderful Paul story....I returned home last Saturday afternoon to artwork in our driveway. His pressure cleaning turned into hearts he had painstakingly traced into the pavement for me!

This is the best simple "I Love You" expression a girl can get. Of course it must remain this way so I can be reminded how very lucky I am every time I come and go from home. Home Is Where The Heart Is!!!!!!!

Today was a "when you get lemons make ..." kind of day. We have so many on our tree so I made Limoncello, lemon sorbet and lemonade. Life is truly good and all I can say is what a difference a week can make : )

Cocktails at Moffitt

I am having my cocktail party, once again at Moffitt. It consists of nurses changing all kinds of bags on my tower with a little small talk involved...just no small bowls of peanuts and pretzels!

Paul and I met with the chemotherapist, Dr. Conley, yesterday before starting this round and it looks favorable the there will be only two more rounds and the 4th will be the same drugs and be three days long not four as had previously been projected. In short, he feels I did great on my first round and feels very optimistic about the rest of my treatments and long term success...good news for the home team!!!!

A cute story about my hair halo that was made from my harvested hair. This morning when I was being visited by the Chemo team of Tower 5 ( yes I am a princess in a tower) the senior woman resident asked the group and me...What kind of chemo is being done, if any? Look at her with all of that hair! I fessed up and showed her what was really under the bandana and we all laughed. She had never seen this before and was obviously impressed by the concept. The Virgo warrior felt empowered with the confidence I will need to weather the hair journey which will be far longer than chemo treatments!

Jean Weidner - Paul - Kathy

To close this blog I will comment on the fabulous 20th Gala for Sarasota Ballet. My mentor and founder of the ballet ( Jean Weidner) was extraordinary in presence and charm....she is truly a legend in her own time. Paul and I were honored to be seated with her to share in this magic evening. The full circle of returning to my dance roots in Sarasota made my coming back to do this round filled with even more purpose, and reminded me of this new dance that I have been learning and wanting to share with others.

Breaking Away

This weekend Paul and I went to Gainesville to visit friends and celebrate spring. Basically, for me it was a bit like a jail break from cancer and my ongoing recovery from my surgery on January 5th.

The idea came when we were walking around the neighborhood last weekend admiring the azaleas and feeling the joy of spring in the air. I had a pang of nostalgia for Gainesville where I had lived for 12 years prior to moving to Sarasota to dance with the ballet. The flowers are amazing there in the springtime and my astute husband did not miss a beat and said, "so, let's go!".

Ric - Kathy - Isa

My friend Isa from my dance years in Gainesville was thrilled when I contacted her and she insisted we come and stay with her and hubby, Ric, who I also danced and toured with. So with very little planning involved we escaped our current life with all of it's complications and hit the road!
This weekend trip made a huge difference in my current reality and also became a vehicle that transported me back in time. We visited not only the town but we all went to an ashram, Temple of the Universe, for a Sunday morning celebration and meditation. The man who began it all in 1975, Mickey Singer, is still the temple's guiding light. To put it in perspective to my past life, he was my neighbor for all of the years that I lived there and now owns and lives in the same house and on the property that I had lived on for those twelve years. He was not only happy to see me, he took the four of us on a road trip to see all of the growth and changes on the now vast property that is all part of the Temple and a tour of the house.
It was a treat to touch the space of my young adult years and I am now completely infused with a joy and light that comes from connecting my past with my present and realizing that there is no longing for what was, only a deep sense of peace and purpose to be exactly where I am today.

I am apparently glowing with the old twinkle in my eye when I smile according to our neighbors evaluation when they saw me, yesterday, after we returned home. I have more to smile about this week as I will have dear Susan from Boulder here with us and Friday will be the Gala to celebrate Sarasota Ballet's 20 years and it's founder, Jean Weidner, who was responsible for my coming here to dance. That fortunate move is what led me to meeting the love of my life, Paul.

Next week on Tuesday , when I return to Moffitt for round two of chemotherapy I will be rested and ready for battle with a clear vision of the finish line. I feel that now much of the bad part of my journey is behind me and the big adventure of the rest of my life in front of me! I do declare I just heard my roar!