This past Wednesday, my dear friend Coral, met me at a wig store, to help me select my cancer disguise. It seems ridiculous to be so tied to my vanity about my hair, when the real issue here, is about life and death. I wish that I could be one of the proud chemo patients who wear their baldness like a proud veteran of a war courageously fought but I cannot. My hair ties me deeply to who I am as a woman, and I shamelessly love it.
I did well getting through the selection and purchase but when I got to my car alone to drive away, I cried in dreadful anticipation of my great sacrifice to come.
On a day (not too far from now) I will let Coral cut all of my hair off, and I will be naked and weeping, with my treasured sacrifice at the feet of my enemy. My vow is this...... It is then that I shall rise up with all of my might, and battle mercilessly, my wicked avenger to her death.
In celebration I will finally be able to click the heels of my well worn ruby slippers, 1-2-3 and make my victory march away from this foreign and frightening land, back to the familiar path of my life, that I do love so much.
Friends please make a note...Bring lots of confetti! No RSVP will be necessary.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Lessons In Spiritual Intellegence
This journey that I am on, has certainly caused me to search for my greater purpose, and to try to comprehend the essence of spiritual intelligence.
I read this quote and it helped me to embrace the lesson I am learning and to trust the process.
Nothing worth doing is completed
In one lifetime,
Therefore we must be saved by hope.
Nothing true or beautiful makes
Complete sense
Therefore we must be saved by faith.
Nothing we do, no matter how virtuous,
Can be accomplished alone.
Therefore we must be saved by love. -Reinhold Niebuhr-
My life has been humbled, and will be saved by the limitless love that all of my friends and family have infused it with.
Love, Peace and Joy to us all!
I read this quote and it helped me to embrace the lesson I am learning and to trust the process.
Nothing worth doing is completed
In one lifetime,
Therefore we must be saved by hope.
Nothing true or beautiful makes
Complete sense
Therefore we must be saved by faith.
Nothing we do, no matter how virtuous,
Can be accomplished alone.
Therefore we must be saved by love. -Reinhold Niebuhr-
My life has been humbled, and will be saved by the limitless love that all of my friends and family have infused it with.
Love, Peace and Joy to us all!
Better Living Through Perseverance
On Tuesday, I went to my 4th PT appointment and totally impressed my physical therapist, Stephanie, just by walking through the door with no cane and hardly any limp. I did new exercises and achieved new high levels of improvement on the exercises that I have been working on.
My knee bending ROM increased from 90 degrees on last Thursday, to 105 degrees on Tuesday. I have been persevering and pushing myself on my own at home, to return to normal leg function (ASAP) and I am so encouraged with my daily progress!
When I was working with Stephanie, one of the other PT clients was leaving and told his therapist that he would see him again on Thursday. David (the PT) responded by saying that he would be there. The exiting client replies, "Of course you will, you get paid to be here."
After the gentleman departed, I looked at Stephanie and said, "I feel like I get paid to be here, because the fantastic results are my paycheck." At least that is how I see it! : )
My knee bending ROM increased from 90 degrees on last Thursday, to 105 degrees on Tuesday. I have been persevering and pushing myself on my own at home, to return to normal leg function (ASAP) and I am so encouraged with my daily progress!
When I was working with Stephanie, one of the other PT clients was leaving and told his therapist that he would see him again on Thursday. David (the PT) responded by saying that he would be there. The exiting client replies, "Of course you will, you get paid to be here."
After the gentleman departed, I looked at Stephanie and said, "I feel like I get paid to be here, because the fantastic results are my paycheck." At least that is how I see it! : )
Monday, February 7, 2011
A Few of My Favorite Things!
This weekend was a lot of fun. We went to see Circus Sarasota on Saturday night and Sarasota Ballet on Sunday evening. I loved both of the performances. Circus Sarasota is always great....Paul and I never miss it, and of course Sarasota Ballet is my heart beat, as I have so many cherished memories of dancing with the company.
The really exciting part was that I went to both performances only using a cane and only needed it for minimal balance and primarily crowd protection. It is very liberating to be able to travel ever so much lighter now and to sit comfortably in a regular seat without needing to have my leg propped up in some unattractive fashion.
Care free nights out with Paul moving about with little effort.....definitely some of my favorite things these recent days.
I am building a great foundation of strength, fortified with the good times I am currently having to sustain and feed me through the next few months when the chemo begins. Oh, by the way, I am planning to keep the good times rolling despite the inevitable low times my dance with the crystal tower are certain to bring. I am looking to each sunrise as another day to live to love and to learn as much as I can from this crazy life in this unpredictable, wacky, wonderful world!
The really exciting part was that I went to both performances only using a cane and only needed it for minimal balance and primarily crowd protection. It is very liberating to be able to travel ever so much lighter now and to sit comfortably in a regular seat without needing to have my leg propped up in some unattractive fashion.
Care free nights out with Paul moving about with little effort.....definitely some of my favorite things these recent days.
I am building a great foundation of strength, fortified with the good times I am currently having to sustain and feed me through the next few months when the chemo begins. Oh, by the way, I am planning to keep the good times rolling despite the inevitable low times my dance with the crystal tower are certain to bring. I am looking to each sunrise as another day to live to love and to learn as much as I can from this crazy life in this unpredictable, wacky, wonderful world!
Friday, February 4, 2011
Day 30
Today it has been 30 days since my surgery and I just finished working out on my Pilates reformer that I have upstairs in our home. For my Pilates friends, you know what the intermediate system is, and that is basically what I did minus kneeling exercises. Even did the Teaser....yahoo!
I was awake for a few hours in the middle of the night, last night, and started thinking about my reformer and what I could do on it. I figured out with lighter springs and some gear changes that I could probably do quite a lot and I did. In celebration, I just took two Advil, and am communing with my ice pack....LIFE IS GOOD! : )
I was awake for a few hours in the middle of the night, last night, and started thinking about my reformer and what I could do on it. I figured out with lighter springs and some gear changes that I could probably do quite a lot and I did. In celebration, I just took two Advil, and am communing with my ice pack....LIFE IS GOOD! : )
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Last Night I Had a Vivid Dream.....
Last night I dreamt that the phone rang and in my dream, I walked through our living room and up the two steps into the kitchen to answer it. It was a sensory dream, because I really could feel myself walk as though none of my current issues existed.
During my ballet career, I used to have these types of sensory dreams, when working on particularly challenging choreography. Oddly, I still experience these dreams of rehearsing and I have the organic experience in these dreams that I am back seventeen years in time, physically executing complicated ballet steps.
Today, I went to my third PT appointment and after doing thirty minutes of different exercises to challenge my leg strength and ROM (range of motion) I practiced walking without my crutch.
The more that I focused on my movement the more natural it became.
When I arrived home after doing an errand I went to Paul to "show off" a bit. With determined focus on my stride, I walked around the house(no crutch) with hardly a trace of my post surgery, stiff legged limp!
Paul, was absolutely blown away and amazed by my "performance".
It is now a few hours later, and I am sore, leg elevated with an ice pack, but so encouraged that I lived my dream of walking normally.....well let's just say, close enough. It will take lots of work and unquestionably plenty of back slides, but now I not only think I can....I KNOW I CAN : )
During my ballet career, I used to have these types of sensory dreams, when working on particularly challenging choreography. Oddly, I still experience these dreams of rehearsing and I have the organic experience in these dreams that I am back seventeen years in time, physically executing complicated ballet steps.
Today, I went to my third PT appointment and after doing thirty minutes of different exercises to challenge my leg strength and ROM (range of motion) I practiced walking without my crutch.
The more that I focused on my movement the more natural it became.
When I arrived home after doing an errand I went to Paul to "show off" a bit. With determined focus on my stride, I walked around the house(no crutch) with hardly a trace of my post surgery, stiff legged limp!
Paul, was absolutely blown away and amazed by my "performance".
It is now a few hours later, and I am sore, leg elevated with an ice pack, but so encouraged that I lived my dream of walking normally.....well let's just say, close enough. It will take lots of work and unquestionably plenty of back slides, but now I not only think I can....I KNOW I CAN : )
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Back to life
Today, I feel back in my life, and it is certainly great. This past weekend Paul and I went out with friends, entertained and went grocery shopping together. Life on a normal basis that is so easy to take for granted until you suddenly get pulled out of the game.
This morning, I drove myself to my PT session and then surprised everybody at Pilates with my appearance. It was wonderful to be there with Sherry, Michelle and all of my client/friends, who I have missed so much. It is the first time since New Year's Eve (the last time I was there) that cancer and recovery did not seem like 'The Main Event.'
Friends and daily life go on like a river's current and today I cast my little boat and enjoyed the ride.
This morning, I drove myself to my PT session and then surprised everybody at Pilates with my appearance. It was wonderful to be there with Sherry, Michelle and all of my client/friends, who I have missed so much. It is the first time since New Year's Eve (the last time I was there) that cancer and recovery did not seem like 'The Main Event.'
Friends and daily life go on like a river's current and today I cast my little boat and enjoyed the ride.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)